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11 July 2010 @ 09:30 pm
update from mommyville  
Avalon is 3 and a half months old now...

As I type I hear the humming of the fans to cool the house, the soft static of the baby monitor, songbirds from the baby's bedtime nature sounds, and my precious little monkey-girl making cooing and gah-ing noises as she lays in bed trying not to fall asleep.

These are my evenings now. We just finished stories and a nighttime feeding in our gliding rocker upstairs in our little story nook. Before that we put on a fresh cloth diaper and pajamas after a relaxing massage with lavender scented lotion. This is what we do every night after I (mommy) gives sweet little Avalon Marion a bath in the kitchen sink at 8:30pm

Nothing matters as much as my little girl and I doubt anything will ever come close ever again. She is my entire life and my purpose for living. I sacrifice, I endure, I enjoy and I create...all for her.

Things between me and baby's daddy aren't wonderful....or great....or even that good really. We aren't "together" yet we are....I don't enjoy any of the benefits of having a relationship....no cuddling (with him), kissing, sex, compliments, etc....but he is supporting me financially right now....I am dependent on him in that way, and he and I share a house, and the most beautiful creation either of us will ever make...Avalon. I find myself longing and crying and lonely often...but she needs her daddy, and he needs her, and I need his help with money right now. He has been so gracious to allow me to stay home and care for our daughter while he pays my bills and works his butt off to take care of the three of us. I am grateful.

I stay home, we go on walks, we go to parks, we meet other mommies for picnics and board book exchanges. We change clothes about fifty times a day, we go through dirty diaper after dirty diaper, Avalon likes to spit up all over me when I let my guard down...its like she waits for it...I've had spit up in my hair, in my eyes, all over me....but not in my mouth yet...thank goodness. We've had poop everywhere, up her back, down her legs, all over her clothes, the car seat, the changing table, my hands....My mom has had it under her fingernails, the baby has had it in her hair and on her face. At least it doesn't stink because she's breastfed. That's a plus.
We went to the lake yesterday, and she played in the water for the first time in her adorable little tiny swimsuit.
She is smiling all the time, cooing and gah-ing and babbling away, and she laughs if you play your cards just right. She is so strong...she can stand up if you hold onto her, she can sit up too if you hold her for balance. She hasn't rolled over yet because she makes it very clear every time I put her on her tummy that she does NOT like that. Everyone says in about a month that will change.

I miss the relief that weed used to give me from anxiety and gloom. But the benefits of breastfeeding to the babe outweighs any jones I may have for it.

She has the most gorgeous blue eyes....I think they look like her daddy's, but they are probably a nice combination of mine and his.
She's got this silly little bald spot on the back of her head from sleeping on her back, I'm looking forward to when she gets old enough to where that will go away because she can sleep in different positions.

I wouldn't trade one second of any of this for anything else in the world. I've finally got what I always wanted from life....I'm a mommy and that is always what my heart has longed for.

Its not all glamor or fun but its worth every bit of the not-so-great that I have to endure.
 
 
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